Figuring it out....

I am 47 years old!  Thanks to a low self-esteem I have believed myself to be overweight for about 40 of those 47 years!  In reality, I have been truly overweight for about 25 of those 47 years with the past 18 being obese!
I have tried just about every fad diet out there!  Low-Carb, no carb, grapefruit, cabbage soup (my least favorite) just to name a few. I have tried countless diet pills and drops that claim to melt fat away, suppress your appetite, help you lose weight in  record time!  I have purchased books and other weight loss tools that claim to help you find yoru bikini body in just a few weeks!
After spending thousands of dollars and wasting many years of my life, I have figured out that there is no such thing as a quick weight loss plan!!  The only key to losing weight is clean & healthy eating, excercise and plain old hard work!!!  Okay fine!  So, I'm a slow learner!!  LOL
I started out with the healthy eating by joining Weight Watchers last April.  I have done both online only and meetings and I love both versions of the WW program.  It is a program that can help anyone learn how to eat healthy and in moderation...in other works "Eat to Live, not Live to Eat".  The weight was coming off slowly, which is what WW recommends.  They say 1-2 lbs per week is the best rate at which to lose the weight.
While at times I was frustrated at the snail's pace, I knew it was the healthiest way to go.
I started adding in some exercise...mostly walking since it was getting into summer and the weather was nice!  I bought a Nike+ device for my iPod - this is an awesome tool for tracking your walks and/or runs and motivating yourself to go faster and farther!  One part fits in your shoe, the other plugs into your iPod.  Turn it on and listen to your favorite music or, like I do, a good book and head out the door.  Before I knew it I was walking 4-5 miles at a time and running as well.  The weight kept coming off, still at a slow & healthy pace. 
Then I hit a wall!  I don't know what happened, but I just stopped.  I stopped tracking my food, I stopped running, I went back to a lot of my old bad eating habits and I gained back about 10 lbs!!  I was so frustrated with myself!!!  I do this EVERY time - I lose a little weight, start to feel good, people start to comment about noticing the weight loss and BOOM!  It all comes to a screeching halt and quick reversal to my old, unhealthy ways.
This time I sat down and did some soul searching!! I realized that I was actually afraid to lose the weight!!  I looked back at all the times that I had lost and gained it back...every single time I would gain the weight back once other people started commenting on how they could tell I had been losing!! What the heck was up with that???!!!  I think I was scared that if people knew how hard I was trying to lose the weight, they would be watching me closer and, perhaps, expecting me to fail.   I would fail and therefore let them down!   I felt like it was easier to just keep the weight and be the way they had always known me to be, not expecting any more out of me. If no one expected anything, then I could let them (or myself) down, right!?  Yeah, I know the logic is quite flawed, but that is how my muddled brain was working!  LOL
Then August came and my step-daughter gave birth to our first grandson!!  I love my kids more than life itself!   I have a 27 year old step-daughter and son-in-law, a 16 year old son and 14 year old daughter and now a 6 month old grandson!  I would lay my life down for any one of them at any time!!  So if I would be willing to give my life for them, why not be willing to SAVE my life for them!?  For them, for my husband and, most of all, for me!
So I went back to my running, back to Weight Watchers and started looking into other ways to get healthy and fit.  My good friend, Sandy, is a big fitness person!  She works out and works out hard!  I started working out with her in her basement doing different fitness dvd's.  Some of our favorites are the Insanity workouts, Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper!  2-3 nights a week we would get together and workout.  It felt great!!!  The weight began to come off again - at a healthy 1 to 1 1/2 lbs a week.  Sometimes that 1lb would frustrate me, but I'd remind myself that I wasn't on The Biggest Loser and wasn't going to lose 10 lbs or more a week!  She also got me into a fitness boot camp - I will blog more about that at a later time but I will say this...it is one of the BEST things I have done for myself on this journey!!  I have learned so much about health and fitness in this boot camp.  The 2nd session starts next week and I will blog about the experience.
There is NO SUCH THING as quick weight loss that will be healthy and long lasting!  That is a fact of life!!  It will take a lot of hard work and determination to lose the rest of the weight!!!  I have 66 more lbs to go!!  As I continue to figure out this new, healthy lifestyle I will blog as often as I can and I will share my journey with anyone who wants to follow it.  Successes, failures, workouts, recipes, photos...I think blogging about it will help me to better understand how I got here and how to get where I want to be.  If I can help someone else along the way, someone who has struggled with their health, weight and self-esteem like I have...then it makes this journey even more special!!